Urgh Life.

Ever Since I Got Home From My Boyfriends House On Sunday, I've Binged And Purged Everyday, I've Never Purged This Much Ever, I Love The Cold Feeling, I Love Feeling Empty, I Even Love Making Myself Sick, But I Hate The Burning Feeling In My Throat:/.

But Today My Day So Far Has Been So Crappy.

I Woke Up Just Before Eight And Just Felt So Ugly And Fat So I Purged, I Had Nothing To Eat Or Drink, Didn't Binge But I Just Purged. Did It Make Me Feel Any Better? Nope, I Was In There For Over An Hour And I Just Kept Gagging. I Went Back To Bed Soon After, I Was Exhausted, My Back Was Hurting Like Hell.

I Woke Up Then At Twelve In The Afternoon, Stared In The Mirror For A Good While. How I Got Here, I Mean I've Never Been Skinny, But I've Gained So Much, It's Disgusting, It Makes Me Weak.

But I'm Not Going To Let Anyone See I'm Upset Anymore, I'm Going To Show Everyone That I Don't Need Their Pity, I'm Not Going To Cry In Front Of Anyone, I'll Show Everyone That I Can Cope By Myself.

So I Ate Two Apples Today I Still Feel Disgusting, It's Horrible, An Apple Binge. Apples Are Triggering For Me, I Used To Be Able To Eat One And Not Need To Purge, But Now I Just Binge On Them, I Binge On Anything. I'm A Failure, I'm A Failure At Having An Eating Disorder And I'm A Failure As A Daughter, Friend, Girlfriend I'm Just A Failure Full Stop.

I Really Want To Fast, I Just Want To Fast All This Horrible Fat Away, I Want To Feel My Bones, I've Never Felt Them, I Just Want To Know What It Feels Like To Be So Skinny Your Bones Stick Out, I Know I'll Never Get There Because I Eat Too Much.

Anyways I'd Better Go Now, I Wonder What Tomorrow Will Bring..