Hm Recovery.

Hm These Last Couple Of Days, I've Felt Really Well Like Weird Toward Having An Eating Disorder, Like I Used To LOVE Feeling Cold And Empty Because It Meant I Was Strong, But Like Now It's Like I Just Want To Be Like Well I Guess, I Mean My Friends Were Going Out Last Night, And I Couldn't Go Because I Refused To Eat, Like I Don't Know I Want To Be Normal, I Want To Live My Life And Not Be Stopped, I Mean I Don't Blame My Parents, I Blame Myself, It's My Fault I Still Have An Eating Disorder, But Part Of Me Does Still Just Think I'm Just Fat, I Don't Really Have One, I Feel Obese:/.

But My Morning Runs Are Going Pretty Well, Though I HATE Stitches Hurt Like Hell Haha!

I Haven't Purged Today, But I Can Honesty Feel It Coming.

I'm A Bit Upset, I Have No More Magic Pills Left, I'm Scared:/.

What An Idiot!

Oh My Gosh I'm So Angry!

I'm Always The Bad Guy, Yeah It's Always Me. Guys Are Flirting With Me, Urrm No They're Actually Not, I'm ENCOURAGING Them Really! Wow! See I Thought I Didn't Even Know HOW To Flirt! So Because I Like To Chat, I'm Automatically Flirting? Okay Then! You Don't Even Need To Get Involved, It's None Of Your Business, I Mean I Get You Hate Me But Really I Don't Care, I Don't Care That You Don't Like Me, You're Not Important To Me, Go Away!

Urgh Rant Over.

Urgh Life.

Ever Since I Got Home From My Boyfriends House On Sunday, I've Binged And Purged Everyday, I've Never Purged This Much Ever, I Love The Cold Feeling, I Love Feeling Empty, I Even Love Making Myself Sick, But I Hate The Burning Feeling In My Throat:/.

But Today My Day So Far Has Been So Crappy.

I Woke Up Just Before Eight And Just Felt So Ugly And Fat So I Purged, I Had Nothing To Eat Or Drink, Didn't Binge But I Just Purged. Did It Make Me Feel Any Better? Nope, I Was In There For Over An Hour And I Just Kept Gagging. I Went Back To Bed Soon After, I Was Exhausted, My Back Was Hurting Like Hell.

I Woke Up Then At Twelve In The Afternoon, Stared In The Mirror For A Good While. How I Got Here, I Mean I've Never Been Skinny, But I've Gained So Much, It's Disgusting, It Makes Me Weak.

But I'm Not Going To Let Anyone See I'm Upset Anymore, I'm Going To Show Everyone That I Don't Need Their Pity, I'm Not Going To Cry In Front Of Anyone, I'll Show Everyone That I Can Cope By Myself.

So I Ate Two Apples Today I Still Feel Disgusting, It's Horrible, An Apple Binge. Apples Are Triggering For Me, I Used To Be Able To Eat One And Not Need To Purge, But Now I Just Binge On Them, I Binge On Anything. I'm A Failure, I'm A Failure At Having An Eating Disorder And I'm A Failure As A Daughter, Friend, Girlfriend I'm Just A Failure Full Stop.

I Really Want To Fast, I Just Want To Fast All This Horrible Fat Away, I Want To Feel My Bones, I've Never Felt Them, I Just Want To Know What It Feels Like To Be So Skinny Your Bones Stick Out, I Know I'll Never Get There Because I Eat Too Much.

Anyways I'd Better Go Now, I Wonder What Tomorrow Will Bring..

Life Has No Point To It.

My Life Never Ends, I Just Want To Be Free, I Want Out, I Hate How My Life's Getting Worse And Nothing I Do Is Ever Good Enough!.
I Cry Alone Every Single Day.
I Have No One.
But I Won't Take My Life Cause I'm Too Much Of A WIMP To Take My Own Life, So I'll Just Sit Here, Waiting For Something, Anything To Take Me, Come Soon!.

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Ughhh Today's Been Hard.
I've Been So So Down These Last Couple Of Days And This Evening I Found Out It Was Because Well I'd Got 'My Time Of The Month Back Again' After Being Without It For So Long.
I Felt Shocked But Happy At First, But Now, It Just Hurts.
I Said To Myself IT'S OKAY TO HAVE TWO BOWLS OF BROCCOLI, I AM ON AFTER ALL, But I HAD To Purge, I Hate Myself, Cried For Over An Hour, Could I Feel Anymore Alone! I Don't Even Know Why I'm Being So So Selfish, There Are Alot Of People Who Have Worse Problems Than Myself, I'm A Selfish Bitch:[.